Golf Sayings, Quotes and Expressions

The best golf sayings of all time: 

The more I practice, the luckier I get.
~Gary Player

If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.
~Horace G. Hutchinson

They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.
~Gardner Dickinson

My golf addiction is literally out of control. I really want to play from the moment I wake up to the time I go to bed.
~Hugh Grant

Golf is the cruelest of sports. Like life, it’s unfair. It’s a harlot. A trollop. It leads you on. It never lives up to its promises…. It’s a boulevard of broken dreams. It plays with men. And runs off with the butcher.
~Jim Murray

Golf is essentially an exercise in masochism conducted out-of-doors.
~Paul O’Neil

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose.

~Winston Churchill

Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.
~Golf saying by: John Updike

The number of shots taken by an opponent who is out of sight is equal to the square root of the sum of the number of curses heard plus the number of swishes.
~Michael Green

Golf has more rules than any other game because golf has more cheaters than any other game.
~Bruce Lansky

On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. The other 20 percent lied.
~Bruce Lansky

Forget your opponents; always play against par.
~golf saying by: Sam Snead

Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad. 

~A.A. Milne

Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious.
~P.G. Wodehouse

I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone’s golf game: it’s called an eraser.
~Arnold Palmer

Golf always makes me so damned angry.
~King George V of England

I’m about five inches from being an outstanding golfer. That’s the distance my left ear is from my right.
~Golf saying by:Ben Crenshaw

Golf is like a love affair. If you don’t take it seriously, it’s no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart.
~Arthur Daley

Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can’t play it.
~Ted Ray Golf Saying

Golf Expressions and Slogans

The following Golf Expressions and golf sayings are perfect for creating your own golf sayings t-shirt, hats, bags, towels and so much more.

Golf is our favorite course

We get our daily dose of iron

Keep your balls clean and your putter covered.Driving outside the box

Swingin A Slick Stick

Gold- the slice of life
Have Clubs Will Travel

Golf strong, go long

Grip it and rip it

I’ve spent most of my life golfing – the rest I’ve just wasted.

Born to golf. Forced to work.

My body is here, but my mind has already teed off.

Golf is for those who like to stroke it.

Golf is for those who like to stroke it.

Golfers do it on the green

Hows my driving? Call 1800 golf pro

Who’s Your Caddy?

A golfers diet consists of lots of greens

I’m about par for the course

More Great Golf Sayings and Quotes about Golf

Here are some more great golf sayings and quotes about golf from your favorite personalities.

I’d play every day if I could. It’s cheaper than a shrink and there are no telephones on my golf cart
~Brent Musburger

Real golfers, no matter what the provocation, never strike a caddie with the driver. The sand wedge is far more effective.
~Huxtable Pippey

They call it golf because all of the other four-letter words were taken.
~Raymond Floyd

My handicap? Woods and irons.
~Chris Codiroli

Golf tips are like aspirin. One may do you good, but if you swallow the whole bottle, you will be lucky to survive.
~Harvey Penick

The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things.
~John Updike

Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And it took a seven to do that.
~Jim Murray

The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top.
~Pete Dye

If you’re caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.
~Lee Trevino

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.
~Jim Bishop

I’m hitting the woods just great, but I’m having a terrible time getting out of them.
~Harry Toscano

I know I am getting better at golf because I’m hitting fewer spectators.
~Gerald Ford

Play it as it lies” is one of the fundamental dictates of golf. The other is “Wear it if it clashes.”
~Henry Beard

I can airmail the golf ball, but sometimes I don’t put the right address on it.
~Jim Dent

It is more satisfying to be a bad player at golf. The worse you play, the better you remember the occasional good shot.
~Nubar Gulbenkian

Some of us worship in churches, some in synagogues, some on golf courses.
~Adlai Stevenson

I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose.
~Gerald Ford

One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. No matter what you shoot – the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin all over again and make yourself into something.
~Peter Jacobsen

Golf isn’t like other sports where you can take a player out if he’s having a bad day. You have to play the whole game.
~Phil Blackmar

The trouble that most of us find with the modern matched sets of clubs is that they don’t really seem to know any more about the game than the old ones did.
~Robert Browning

Golf is an open exhibition of overweening ambition, courage deflated by stupidity, skill scoured by a whiff of arrogance.
~Alistair Cooke

No game designed to be played with the aid of personal servants by right-handed men who can’t even bring along their dogs can be entirely good for the soul.
~Bruce McCall

No man has mastered golf until he realizes that his good shots are accidents and his bad shots are good exercise.
~Eugene R. Black

The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.
~Roger Simon

These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.
~Sam Snead

There is one thing in this world that is dumber than playing golf. That is watching someone else playing golf. What do you actually get to see? Thirty-seven guys in polyester slacks squinting at the sun. Doesn’t that set your blood racing?
~Peter Andrews

Real golfers, no matter what the provocation, never strike a caddie with the driver. The sand wedge is far more effective.
~ Huxtable Pippey

Golf is like chasing a quinine pig around a cow pasture.
~Winston Churchill

Golf is not a game, it’s bondage. It was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins.
~Jim Murray

Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result.
~Tommy Armour

Missing a short putt does not mean you have to hit your next drive out of bounds.
~ Henry Cotton

The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree.
~ Brian Weis

Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening – and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented.
~Arnold Palmer

Golf is a game in which you yell “fore,” shoot six, and write down five.
~Paul Harvey

In golf, you keep your head down and follow through. In the vice presidency, you keep your head up and follow through. It’s a big difference.
~Dan Quayle

You can’t call it a sport. You don’t run, jump, you don’t shoot, you don’t pass. All you have to do is buy some clothes that don’t match.
~Steve Sax

The average golfer doesn’t play golf. He attacks it.
~Jack Burke

The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of butterflies in the adjoining meadows.
~P.G. Wodehouse

Any game where a man 60 can beat a man 30 ain’t no game.
~Burt Shotten

There are two things you can do with your head down – play golf and pray.
~Lee Trevino

Golf is not just an exercise; it’s an adventure, a romance… a Shakespeare play in which disaster and comedy are intertwined.
~Harold Segall

The worst club in my bag is my brain.
~Chris Perry

Golf is a game not just of manners but of morals.
~ Art Spander

Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it.
~Robin Williams

Golf is hockey at the halt.
~Arthur Marshall

I’m a golfaholic, no question about that. Counseling wouldn’t help me. They’d have to put me in prison, and then I’d talk the warden into building a hole or two and teach him how to play.
~Lee Trevino

Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf, and you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf.
~Jack Benny

Golf is a game in which the ball lies poorly and the players well.
~Art Rosenbaum

Find a man with both feet firmly on the ground and you’ve found a man about to make a difficult putt.
~Fletcher Knebel

The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life.
~Chi Chi Rodriguez

A golf course is nothing but a poolroom moved outdoors.
~Barry Fitzgerald

I’ll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105.
~Bob Hope

After all these years, it’s still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.
~Chi Chi Rodriguez

My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.
~Lee Trevino

Playing the game I have learned the meaning of humility. It has given me an understanding of futility of the human effort.
~Abba Eban

It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.
~Hank Aaron

Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them.
~Jimmy DeMaret

One thing about golf is you don’t know why you play bad and why you play good.
~George Archer

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?
~Al Boliska

If I’m on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him.
~Bob Hope

Golf seems to me an arduous way to go for a walk. I prefer to take the dogs out.
~Princess Anne of Great Britain

If you wish to hide your character, do not play golf.
~Percey Boomer

Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.
~Ben Hogan

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.
~Unknown

Golf is golf. You hit the ball, you go find it. Then you hit it again.
~Lon Hinkle

If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
~Jack Lemmon

I don’t like watching golf on TV. I can’t stand whispering.
~David Brenner

One almost expects one of the players to peer into the monitor and politely request viewers to refrain from munching so loudly on cheese and crackers while the golfers are trying to reach the greens.
~Pete Alfano

If I had my way, any man guilty of golf would be barred from any public office in the United States and the families of the breed would be shipped off to the white slave corrals of Argentina.
~H.L. Mencken

Baseball players quit playing and they take up golf. Basketball players quit, take up golf. Football players quit, take up golf. What are we supposed to take up when we quit?
~George Archer

A golf course outside a big town serves an excellent purpose in that it segregates, as though a concentration camp, all the idle and idiot well-to-do.
~Osbert Sitwell

It’s good sportsmanship not to pick up lost balls while they are still rolling.
~Mark Twain

Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
~Harry Vardon

Golf is an ineffectual attempt to put an elusive ball into an obscure hole with implements ill-adapted to the purpose.
~Woodrow Wilson

If you call on God to improve the results of a shot while it is still in motion, you are using “an outside agency” and subject to appropriate penalties under the rules of golf.
~Henry Longhurst

Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it’s called the PGA Tour.
~Alex Hay

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.
~P.J. O’Rourke

Golf gives you an insight into human nature, your own as well as your opponent’s.
~Grantland Rice

Golf is a good walk spoiled.
~Mark Twain

I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.
~G.K. Chesterton

If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business.
~Joey Adams

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.
~Phyllis Diller

If I can hit a curveball, why can’t I hit a ball that is standing still on a course?
~Larry Nelson

If your opponent is playing several shots in vain attempts to extricate himself from a bunker, do not stand near him and audibly count his strokes. It would be justifiable homicide if he wound up his pitiable exhibition by applying his niblick to your head.
~Harry Vardon

A passion, an obsession, a romance, a nice acquaintanceship with trees, sand, and water.
~Bob Ryan

Golf Sayings By Unknown Authors

If I hit it right, it’s a slice. If I hit it left, it’s a hook. If I hit it straight, it’s a miracle.
~Unknown

To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly.
~ Unknown

May thy ball lie in green pastures… and not in still waters.
~ Unknown

A golfer’s diet: live on greens as much as possible.
~ Unknown

A “gimme” can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers, neither of whom can putt very well.
~Unknown

There’s no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.
~ Unknown

I hope you have enjoyed these golf sayings and golf expressions. I will add to this page as I find more and more golf sayings and golf quotes. If you have some favorite golf sayings you would like to share with us please do so with the add a quote box on the right side of this page