Funny Retirement Quotes, Sayings, and Greetings

50 + Funny Retirement Quotes:

~ unknown Author

The worst thing about retirement is having to drink coffee on your own time.
~ Unknown Author

Retirement is waking up in the morning with nothing to do and by bedtime having done only half of it.
~ Unknown Author

I’m retired — goodbye tension, hello pension!
~ Unknown Author

Retired — No Alarm Clock. No Commute. No Problem.

~ Unknown Author

Retirement, when every day is Saturday!

~Unknown Author

Before deciding to retire early…Stay home a week and practice watching daytime television.
~Unknown Author

Retirement: No Job, No Stress, No Pay!
~Unknown Author

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
~ Scott Elledge

Retirement: World’s longest coffee break.
~Unknown Author

Few men of action have been able to make a graceful exit at the appropriate time.
~Malcolm Muggeridge

A man is known by the company that keeps him on after retirement age.
~Anon

I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work – So I do it three or four times a day!
~Gene Perret

There’s one thing I always wanted to do before I quit…retire!
~Groucho Marx

I’ve lit the blue touch paper and found there’s nowhere to retire to.
~ Doctor Who

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
~ George Burns

What do gardeners do when they retire?
~Bob Monkhouse

A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job.
~Ella Harris

Retirement must be wonderful. I mean, you can suck in your stomach for only so long.
~Burt Reynolds

Retirement is when the living is easy and the payments are hard.
~Unknown Author

The company accountant is shy and retiring. He’s shy a quarter of a million dollars. That’s why he’s retiring.
~ Milton Berle

Retirement . . . is when you stop living at work and begin working at living.
~Unknown Author

Retirement: The time in your life when time is no longer money.
~ Unknown Author

When is the right age to retire? When you dread going to work.
~Mary Bright

Retired is being tired twice, I’ve thought, first tired of working, then tired of not.
~Richard Armour

In retirement only money and symptoms are consequential.
~Mason Cooley

I like retirement life. It’s something to do when no one wants you to work anymore.
~Unknown Author

The trouble with retirement is you never get a day off.
~Abe Lemonsbr

Retirement is a one-way trip to insignificance.
~Mason Cooley

Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.
~Gene Perret

Sooner or later I’m going to die, but I’m not going to retire.
~Margaret Mead

Preparation for old age should begin not later than one’s teens. A life which is empty of purpose until 65 will not suddenly become filled on retirement.
~Arthur E. Morgan

Don’t act your age in retirement. Act like the inner young person you have always been.
~J. A. West

Don’t simply retire from something; have something to retire to.
~Harry Emerson Fosdick

When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.
~Chi Chi Rodriguez

There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working.
~Robert Half

I feel like early retirement is an incredible retirement gift. It’s a gift that everyone should give themselves.
~ Unknown Author

One of the problems of retirement is that it gives you more time to read about the problems of retirement.
~Unknown Author

Enjoy every retirement day as if it was your last and one day you will be right about it.
~ Unknown Author

In retirement, I look for days off from my days off.
~ Mason Cooley

Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache… unless you play golf.
~Gene Perret

Retirement is the ugliest word in the language.
~Ernest Hemingway

When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking.
~Gail Sheehy

Ahhh Retirement: Fishing Yesterday, Fishing Today, Fishing Tomorrow!
~ Unknown Author

Retirement: When you stop lying about your age and start lying around the house.
~Unknown Author

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