Funny Fortune Cookie Sayings and Quotes

He who throws dirt is losing ground.

You can always find happiness at work on Friday.

Let’s just say that the cookie is going to be the better part of the “fortune cookie.

Do not mistake temptation for opportunity.

Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.

A woman who seeks to be equal with men lacks ambition.

The greatest danger could be your stupidity.

The only normal people are the ones you don’t know very well.

Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

Forgive your enemies…but REMEMBER THEIR NAMES!

You may write in your own fortune on the line __________________________________________.

He who laughs at himself never runs out of things to laugh at.

He who laughs last is laughing at you.

The Chinese food you just finished was the most American made thing you have bought since 1995.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

A cynic is only a frustrated optimist.

A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind, and won’t change the subject.

You are feeling generous and will leave a substantial tip for the server at the Chinese restaurant.

You seek to find meaning from a little slip of paper inside a little cookie. You are gullible.

The world may be your oyster, but it doesn’t mean you’ll get its pearl.

Pick another cookie

You are surrounded by fortune hunters

You will receive a fortune cookie.

Flattery will go far tonight.

Water is your friend. It will help you wash down your fortune cookie.

Your fortune cookie will taste suspiciously like an ice cream cone without the ice cream

Opps… wrong cookie

Never give up unless defeat arouses that girl in accounting

Disregard this cookie

Only listen to future cookies

The road to riches is paved with homework

Help!!! I am being held hostage in a Chinese bakery

The fortune you seek is in another cookie

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Some fortune cookies hold no fortune

Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life

Today is probably a huge improvement over yesterday

Never tease a midget with a high five

Don’t play leap frog with a unicorn

He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.

If you think we are going to sum up your whole life on this little piece of paper your crazy

You will receive a fortune (cookie)

You will be hungry again in one hour

Don’t eat Chinese food today

That wasn’t chicken

Fortune not found? Abort, Retry, Ignore

It’s about time I got out of that cookie

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

Don’t fry bacon in the nude.

A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.

From the same people holding the prisoner?

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back

Your colon will self destruct in five seconds.

A recent prison escapee that is sitting nearby wants to love you long time.

Your dog Sparky… well, he’s no longer missing

Please don’t eat me.

Only a fool would look to a cookie for words of wisdom.

See the waiter about our new food poison life insurance policies.

You will need good reading material in approximately 15 minutes.

Don’t kiss an elephant on the lips today

Never trouble trouble till trouble trouble’s you

If you grow up to be famous you ow me $100 because i totally called it!

WARNING! Do not eat your fortune.

Come back later. I need a nap. Yes, fortune cookies sleep.

No fortune for you.

Better to Press Shirt than Press Luck

Confuscius say ” Man who fart in church sit in own pew”

Confusis say, Tack in chair fun but screw in bed more fun.

Have you seen the cat?

You are the crunchy noodle in the vegetarian salad of life

Watch out for the brown bear and the gray donkey. One will claw you while the other will make an ass out of yourself.